September 21, 2011

So, you may or may not have noticed…I’ve been M.I.A. for the past couple of months. A much needed “sabbatical” in the mental and spiritual sense was apparently part of the vacation plan (unbeknownst to me). I have been in a place where I am evaluating and experiencing life in a quiet, prayerful place away from the noise and chaos of “busy-ness.” Away from the demands of being the person I have been for too many years. Away from the guilt of not being a “good enough___ (friend, wife, mother, daughter, sister, business owner….the list goes on).” Away from the state of needing to be needed. Away from the burdens of others which I somehow willing pick up to carry myself….not with them, FOR them. Away from the depreciating remarks I say to myself about myself when I compare my life to others’. Away from comparing. Away from the negative. I actually feel like I escaped.

I was rescued.

I sat down in an adirondack chair on the balcony of the beach house. The sea breeze in my face, the sun reflecting on my workbook so brightly that I still squinted even wearing sunglasses and a hat. The lesson started with Lamentations. I had to look it up…I had no clue where it was in the Bible. After 3 chapters of suffering and complaint, I came across this:

“I called on your name, LORD,
from the depths of the pit.
You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears
to my cry for relief.”
You came near when I called you,
and you said, “Do not fear.”
You, Lord, took up my case;
you redeemed my life.”

(Lamentations 3:55-58)

I had just come through a series of exhausting weeks recovering from travel where I felt more overextended than ever and I didn’t even care. I was calloused and numb. And I was STUCK there. To be dramatic, the scripture changed me. It softened me. I related to it. I felt like I finally realized “agh!? I’m stuck in a pit!” And I was calling from the depths of it. Not only did God listen, He rescued me from it. So, I did what I always do::cried.

After a few minutes of tears streaming (quickly dried by the wind and sun), I heard a whisper, “You can walk away from this pit you know… whenever you want.”

Whenever I want??! (huh???)

Once I stopped to think about it I realized I put myself in that pit. I RAN into it to avoid feeling uncomfortable. I ran into it to avoid judgment and criticism of others. I didn’t want to fail. I had spent so many years telling myself I wasn’t “good enough” and that life was just not going to work out for me, I certainly couldn’t handle anyone (much less myself) confirming it. So I ran… into a pit. I kept myself so busy, I didn’t really notice. I just knew something was “off.”

What was “off” was my point of view. I was looking exactly where I ended up, down, in the pits…instead of UP and where I was going. It wasn’t that I’d turned away from God, it was that I stopped paying attention to where He was leading me. I started believing lies about myself. I started to believe “I couldn’t.” And then, not surprisingly, subconsciously created the very circumstances that forced it true:: in the pit I can’t do anything. “Whether you think you can or you can’t; you’re right.” Well, apparently that’s true!

(As a side note: take a minute to appreciate the visual of the pit. Not only is it a separation from God and what He wants for us, its something that traps us and keeps us stagnant. We can’t move forward. We’re stuck. And its also DOWN, in the ground. It stands to reason that if we look down, that is where we will end up. And if we look UP, that is where we will end up too.)

We have a choice every DAY to choose to be positive and uplifting, or negative “debbie downers.” Choosing to be happy, positive and uplifting is sometimes tough (especially on rainy days) but its necessary to stay out of the pit. I am making a conscious effort to wake up each morning and choose live in freedom. And that freedom is usually FROM my own negative thinking. I want to wake up each morning thankful for the opportunity to choose happiness. I am thankful for a clean slate and for the enormous blessings that God is revealing to me daily– blessings as taken for granted as food on the table and blessings as obvious as a scripture at the right place and the right time to help me see my position in the scheme of things.

Evaluate your perspective, choose to be positive. It effects you more than you realize and with enough faith will send you soaring in the right direction…

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7 Comments to Away

  1. beautiful

  2. thanks mom. :)

  3. Beautiful Liz and so are you, We love you, you are so blessed…

  4. Wow. This is amazing, I can completely relate. Thanks for sharing this, I needed it.

  5. Thanks guys. Love you too, terese. :)

  6. GREAT pictures!! Makes me wish I were back there again…it’s a wonderful place to find peace & tranquility. Those sunrises from your bed are absolute miracles! Love you, Mimi

  7. love you too, mimi!

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