September 14, 2012

Since the beginning of June this year, my goal has been an attempt to slow down time. Consciously stopping to appreciate each passing moment, I breathe deep. I don’t want to forget this. I know it isn’t “special” but…isn’t it?

I have this tendency to fast forward 30 years and then look back on these years I’m living now. In my hypothetical 64 year old body and mind, I imagine longing for the days of my youth. I know that I will miss my children whining and crying and throwing fits. I will miss taxi-ing them all over Nashville. I will miss packing their lunch for their preschool classes. I will miss putting their hair back in pony tails and listening to them whine and squirm because I’m “brushing it too hard.” I will miss telling them 15 times to get dressed and stop playing with their dolls. I will miss ALL of it.

And so I attempt to capture it. Set out on a new journey of counting gifts…breathing thanks…giving gratitude for the ordinary and finding beauty in the simple, otherwise not-so beautiful life we live. I want to leave the world better than I found it. And truly, because this world isn’t always beautiful, I give thanks. For in that very part of it that is less than attractive, the gritty, the tough parts… our gratitude breathes beauty into it.

If a hallmark of spiritual maturity is the ability to yield with flexibility to God’s plan for my day, year, life– I will give thanks in the confusion. I will give thanks in the dark and in the mystery. All is grace. All is a gift. My journey is to capture it…even and especially the ugly of it. The gratitude, the yielding transforms it into beauty… and this gift we take for granted is all ours for experiencing. It is truly life lived at its fullest.

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